I stopped searching for the answers

Few things in life happen without a reason, sometimes I wondered why the world seemed so unfair. I stopped searching for the answers. I’d sit for hours and think of nothing. I love being lost in silent. Memories can be deceptive. The things that I didn’t know now I have begun to understand. The more I learned the more I understand. The journey I endured not only has taught me precious mysteries about one another. It’s too painful to think about the bad times I had. I forced to think I had found my way. I fell and picked myself up. I had managed to create a fuller , beautiful atmosphere , Happy life for myself.

Au revoir

img_5830People really don’t know what is going on my life. I am dealing with something that i would never ever open up to anyone but only to God, I trust only GOD. I am struggling up for years with things, I just want to own it all alone, and some people would have think I am avoiding them when it’s really not. I just want to stay alone without judging me. I feel that some people are just curious about my life but they aren’t sincere at all. The person I trusted the most and love the most turned her back and since then, I am not the person that I used to be. I tried my best to forget everything and start with zero and all I know that She is not part of my future anymore. Things will never ever be the same again. I need to accept the fact that it will never ever be the same again. I stopped trying to figure things out and took it all in, just kept it in, and buried it…. There is saying that is goes something like this : “Friendship is like a glass ornament, once it is broken it can rarely be put back together exactly the same way.” — Charles Kingsley…… Do you believe ? … Just because I ignored her once doesn’t mean I hated her …. I was in a state of confusion then she hated me back for ignoring her or maybe everything was just LIE. What would i have to say now ?  …… I am ready for ultimate of letting go … I am giving away what I want to hold forever….. the most difficult sacrifice of all …. I want to end the road that I had taken… I’ve finally seen the dead end.

Past Atmosphere.

imageI wanted to isolate myself. Then life happened…Who would have thought that it will take months for my wish to be granted. Yes, I’m Happy….This is my choice. I know in my heart that this is what I needed. To be Happy like always.. To be on my own…. My own company… The trials I’ve encountered were more than what I have expected…I welcomed them all because I know they are part of my journey. looking back from what I’ve gone through so far…It’s never easy when you’re hurt because at some point every memories i had always come rushing in. I thought I could never be able to distance myself but eventually I did. “life goes and on and on.” I literally counting the days, listening to the clock, counting every minutes, every seconds. I remember all the good times i had like that feeling you have when someone treats you as part of their life, the thought that you will do everything so they will succeed, they will be happy and they will feel that you’ll always be there for them, I can’t help but wish that things could have stayed that way forever… The only thing that stopped me from doing so is the realization that I’m not only doing this for me but also for them… It’s my way of liberating them… My time alone also reminded me of what I used to believe in. I start taking responsibility of all my actions including its consequences then i start noticing the positives despite the difficulties and begin navigating my life towards understanding, acceptance and healing… I just keep things as it is because life is teaching me… I was really determined to be Happy no matter what life throws me. I may have Sad stories but i will continue to make a beautiful one.